fuck cancer in its fucking face

when i was 18, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. when i was 20, she died.

three years ago, my friend melissa's husband died of cancer, leaving two young kids behind.

last year, my friend elysia's sister died of cancer. last year, my friend bill's mom was diagnosed with cancer (she is still fighting the good fight).

this year, my friend kiki's mom was diagnosed with cancer. and my friend claire's dad was. and a few days ago, as i'm sure all of you in the DOC know already, meri's husband ryan, from ourdiabeticlife, was diagnosed with metastasized melanoma.

if you're reading this, i either know you from the DOC, or you care enough about me to check this blog. if you're in the former category, you already know meri. but if you're in the latter, please read on.

when L was diagnosed with diabetes, i was at a bit of a loss. luckily i found the diabetes online community, which is filled with people with diabetes and parents of children with diabetes, all sharing their experiences, including both successes and failures. i actually read a beautiful analogy today that i think describes the DOC perfectly. it was written by babs in a comment on strangely scott's blog:

I have this picture in my mind of this wide dirt road, where each of us is walking, toward the same goal. Some are walking ahead of me, some behind. Some are running, others are taking their time. I see you further up the road than me, looking back and waving, "hey, try this side of the road, it's less bumpy up here!" I don't know what my health would be like today without your guidance.

Likewise, I've also learned from you, it's my responsibility to inform those behind me of the current road conditions along my path. Things change. It rains and mud and potholes arise.

We're all in this together and if we keep each other looking for the strong footing, we'll make it to the end.

that's fucking beautiful, right? and it's so true! there are so many blogs i look to for guidance because the moms and dads have been and still are going through what i am on any given day. meri's blog was one i gravitated to from the very beginning. in the early days, we watched a video of her husband ryan refilling a pump in under a minute or some shit and we couldn't ever imagine being so proficient at it. but we are now. (well, at least one of us is.) i've often emailed meri with specific concerns i have about my gonna-be-a-teenager-with-diabetes-before-i-know-it, and she has always given me support and helpful advice.

basically, it comes down to this. every blogger i follow, whether it's parents of kids with diabetes, or adults with diabetes, every single one of them has made my family's journey with diabetes easier. and if you're reading this, you've done the same (even if you don't have a connection to the diabetski besides L) just by listening and offering your support.

and because meri and her family have lightened my load along the way, i am asking you to do something for them, even though you don't know them. please join me in sending them love and light. the family has especially set aside this sunday march 4 as a day of fasting and praying for a miracle, and they have asked everyone they know to join them, if that's your kind of thing. and even if it's not, if you could just spare some positive energy and send it their way, it would be much appreciated. by them, and me. and while we're at it, let's hold all those other people i mentioned above in our thoughts. and anyone else you've ever known that's been touched by motherfucking cancer. thanks. <3

#wddpe2011

Better late than never, here's a post about the World Diabetes Day Postcard Exchange, which took place in November 2011. Created by Lee Ann Thill as a way to connect people affected by diabetes living around the world, this was an opportunity for my family to take time to share our experiences through art therapy. John, L and I were each matched with a different person, and I was so inspired I even created a few extras. You can find a gallery of many of the cards that winged their way around the world here. I've included some pics from our side of things below.

Here's a shot of all the cards my family made and sent:

L hard at work on hers:

Detail of John and L's:

And here's what we received. Click the pics to embiggen, so you can really appreciate the work that went into them. I can't believe they survived their journeys intact. I used an excessive amount of packing tape to cover the cards we sent.

I got a card with beautiful, delicate artwork from Ivy in Japan.

John got this really neat painted card from Ron in California:

And L received this great artwork from Gwyneth in California:

Thanks so much to Lee Ann for being the force behind this great creative project. It was a fun experience and I look forward to doing it again in 2012.

awareness: raised?

Saturday was the end-of-season pizza party for L's soccer team. I was wearing my Big Blue Test shirt, and as I approached the parents' table, one of the dads asked me about it.

Him: Big Blue Test, huh? Is that a Michigan thing? Is there a game today?

Me: No, it's a diabetes thing. November is diabetes awareness month, and the Big Blue Test is where you test your blood sugar, then exercise, then test again and share the results online. For every result shared, a person with diabetes in need gets help and supplies.

Him: Oh man, I guess I should know about that stuff, I'm a diabetic.

Me: Oh yeah?

Him: Well, that's what my doc says, but I kinda refuse to believe it.

Me: Oh, so you're a DENIAL-betic then? j/k lol

Him: Yeah, for sure. I know I have it, but I refuse to admit it.

We then got into a rather detailed conversation (for a pizza party anyway) about how he was diagnosed and what his BGs have been and what meds he's on and how they're not really working, even though he's lost weight, etc etc and eventually I was just like, "Look dude. I don't mean to get heavy on you in the middle of this joyous occasion, but there's a possibility that you may have been misdiagnosed with Type 2 when you might actually have Type 1.5 or LADA." He had never heard of it, so I encouraged him to ask his endocrinologist about it. Then he told me he didn't actually have an endo.

Long story short(ish), later that night I sent him some links and hopefully he'll find a good doc that can dig a little deeper and get to the bottom of what's really going on. Oh and I also told him to come by and pick up some ketone strips if he wanted to. Because I just can't leave it at pizza party advocacy; I have to take it to the maybe-you-should-pee-on-a-stick-to-make-sure-you're-not-gonna-go-into-DKA level.

Because, if you're gonna have the conversation, then you know, HAVE the conversation. (warning: boobs)

an unexpected murmuration

I just watched this video that left me breathless. For anyone who needs two minutes of pure beauty and wonder today. Recorded in County Clare, Ireland. Enjoy.

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

diabetes awareness month 2011

Today is 11.1.11 (or 1.11.11, depending on where you live) and that means it's the inaugural T1Day! My dad sent me an email this morning that said: This morning on "TODAY" a group of women with Blue foam rubber "I'm #1" hands on declared today was JDRF day. Every little bit helps. Aww, thanks dad. (note: my dad does not actually read my blog.)

So even though I didn't really do anything for T1Day, I am pretty stoked that Diabetes Awareness Month is finally here, because there are so many things to look forward to.

+ The WDD Postcard Exchange

+ The World Diabetes Day celebrations

+ The Big Blue Test, in which I plan on participating multiple times in the next couple of weeks. Because every time you test/move/test/share, that means a life-saving donation for a diabetic in need.

+ Wearing my Diabetes Hands Foundation shirt for Blue Fridays. And Blue Mondays. And everything in between, including Blue Weekends! In case you haven't heard, I'm wearing the *same blue shirt* every day in November. You have Jacquie to thank/blame. If you're interested in following along, I'll be posting daily pics over here. But if you can't be arsed to visit yet another website every day, no worries, I'll post anything really interesting right here. And at the end of the month I'll compile a little video with all my daily pics. Because if there's one thing the world needs, it's some midwest housewife thinking she's the next Noah Kalina or something. IT'S FOR DIABETES AWARENESS, OKAY.

To get us started off, here's a pic of me and L, in matching shirts with matching cupcakes.

halloween 2011

You knew I wouldn't forget to post pics of my kid on Halloween, right? I mean, I even considered doing a "Twelve Days of Halloween" thing where I posted pics of all her Halloweens past, one per day, culminating last night. (Unfortch, I didn't have that brilliant idea until it was too late. But I'm gonna make it happen next year, so brace yourselves). In the meantime, please enjoy some pics from this year.

Our friends' dog, dressed as a kitty.

L's pumpkin (far right, bottom) was originally a Hunger Games logo, but it collapsed, so she turned it into a pukey punkin.

from L - R:
A, dressed as Nimway/Nimue from Merlin aka 'The Lady of the Lake'
A, dressed as a baby
L, dressed as Kate Wetherall, from The Mysterious Benedict Society book series

Ooooh, doesn't that blood look realistic? It is. very. *shudder*

They had a bunch o' fun, and even had to come back home a few times to drop off candy so they had room for more. Hope all you ghouls and goblins had a great night too! :)

heavy on links. and parentheses.

You wanna hear me and John yammer on for about 15 minutes about diabetes? Why wouldn't you. Thanks to VJ at Diabetic365, now you can!

You can find the video at his blog here. I wish I could tell you we were as adorable as that old couple trying to work a webcam, but it's just not true (maybe next time). Of course, L was sitting on the other side of the computer, listening to the whole thing. See if you can spot the moments she was making faces at me and I smiled back at her.

While you're over there, why not check out some other interviews VJ has conducted with some very cool people: Jason or Bernard or Jacquie or Meri or Wendy or Chris or Ginger or Scott or Michael or Reyna or Kim (as well as a whole bunch of other people who I am sure are also very cool, I just don't actually know them).

(Not that I actually "know" the people I linked to, of course. Apart from reading their blogs. And exchanging emails. And saying hi at FFL. And whatnot.)

(But you know what I mean.)

(Parentheses.)

But really, if you only have time to watch one 15-minute video interview about diabetes, skip mine and go straight to Jason's. He speaks very openly about the islet transplants he has received and how they have changed his life. John and I were very affected by his story and I think you will be too. Unless you've heard it already, in which case, never mind.

mirror mantra

Once again, inspired by Mike's Mirror Mantras:

21 oct 1947

Twenty years ago today, my mom turned 44. She'd been diagnosed with cancer in the spring of 1989. At that time, they told her they weren't sure how long she had. Maybe three months, maybe three years. She underwent chemo and radiation, which sent the cancer into remission. But in the spring of 1991, the cancer came back. And it had spread to the brain. So again with the chemo and radiation. She even went through a few rounds of an experimental drug treatment. But her health began to decline. Eventually, the side effects were so bad that she decided to forgo any more treatment and just focus on keeping her quality of life as high as possible. On her 44th birthday, she had a doctor's appointment. He told her she wouldn't live to see Thanksgiving. She died at home 3 weeks later.

Twenty years ago today, my mom turned 44. I was 20. Now I'm 40. It seems impossible that she's been gone that long. For several years after she died, I would become depressed around this time of year. Her birthday, the anniversary of when she passed, the memories of her final weeks, it was all too much. But twelve years ago, something changed. I became pregnant with my daughter. And finally I had something to celebrate again. I was no longer a motherless daughter; I became a mother to a daughter. I brought a photo of my mom into the delivery room, and I felt her there when L was born. John and I named L after my mom - the strongest and funniest woman I have ever known.

I'm glad I had even 20 years with my mom. Some people don't get that much. I think of her and thank her every day. Happy birthday, mom.

September 1972

September 2001

WHERE BLUE?

November is Diabetes Awareness Month, and Cherise thought that a good way to raise said awareness would be ask everyone to wear blue every Friday in November. Sounds cool to me - blue is my favorite color. Then she got a bunch of people together to make this fun video to promote Blue Fridays.



I gotta say, toward the end when it starts to get a little crazy, it seems like everyone is trying to find that dog from Blue's Clues. WHERE BLUE? WEAR BLUE!

Then Jacquie threw down the gauntlet by saying: I would like to challenge someone to wear the SAME blue shirt every single day in November. THAT would raise #diabetes awareness.

Well, Jacquie, all I gotta say is: Challenge...accepted!