(Warning: I am sleep deprived and angry. Bad language follows.)
This is what descending into madness looks like:
8:48 170 // 2.2u IOB
9:12 138
9:30 103 // juice (15g)
9:50 129
11:36 143
1:08 104 // temp basal (20% for 1 hour)
1:35 108
2:07 106 // temp basal (0% for 1 hour)
2:43 111
3:25 147 // temp basal (0% for 1.5 hours)
3:30 I went to bed
5:01 217
5:02 I went back to sleep
6:32 226
I named this blog Neurotic City for a reason, you know. Looking back, I can see where I went wrong. At 1:00am I should have just cranked her temp basal to 0% for an hour or two and gone to bed. But I've done that before and woken up to 300's a few hours later. Besides, I wasn't thinking clearly.
The DOC was rocked yesterday by the news that another child had been lost to DIB syndrome. For some of my non-DOC friends, this may be the first time you've heard of it. It's not something I included in my Christmas letter or our fundraising video. I usually don't mention it because it is unspeakably horrific. But that doesn't keep me from thinking about it. A lot.
When people express surprise that John or I get up once or twice every night to check L's blood sugar, I usually say, "It's better than the alternative! Ha-HA!" Sometimes it's a genuine laugh, but lately it's been kind of forced and bitter. Because the truth is, I could check her TEN TIMES A NIGHT (see: last night) and she could still die of dead in fucking bed syndrome (and what kind of a fucked up name is that anyway).
I did not know Eilish or her family. I understand that they did everything they could to keep their daughter healthy. EVERYTHING. But the fact remains that type 1 diabetes is a disease without a cure. Not only that, you can do every. single. thing. right. And it still doesn't guarantee anything.
Can you imagine being diagnosed with an chronic illness where one of the "complications" is SHORTENED LIFE EXPECTANCY, and your doctor tells you there's no cure, but there is medicine that can keep you alive.
Some days you need one pill. But if you're exercising, you'll probably only need half a pill. Or if you're sick, you might need two pills. Or if you're on your period you might need a half a pill or two pills, it really depends on the person. And if you eat certain foods, you'll need to take some extra pills, but you must know the magic number of each food before you know how many extra pills you need. But sometimes you won't know the exact magic number of your food, so then you should just guess how many pills you should take.
Also, if you don't take enough pills then you could get really sick really quickly and fall into a coma and die. Or if you don't take enough pills over a long period of time you may end up with heart or liver disease or no feeling in your extremities or blindness or maybe you won't be able to have a baby. But if you take too many pills, then you could pass out and die. And it's not really pills, it's actually a fluid that has to be injected into your body, either with needles or a pump that's attached to you 24 hours a day.
Oh and by the way, even if you do everything above with unerring precision, YOU COULD STILL DIE IN YOUR SLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. SWEET DREAMS!
Diabetes can fucking suck it.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
ze frank
If you guys have never heard of Ze Frank, have I got a treat for you. He's this dude who has a talent for getting a bunch of creative people together to work on projects and without fail, each one of them makes me smile and brings a bit of light into the word. Here are some of my favorites.
The Chillout Song
One of Ze's blog readers was feeling stressed out and asked him to write a song to make her feel better. He quietly asked some other people to sing along to some lyrics he wrote. Then he mixed it all together to create a song performed by strangers all hoping to help someone feel better. Here's the song, and I urge you to click this link to read the touching backstory.
Stumpy
Ze saw a photo of a duck that had been born with four legs. He wrote a story about it and asked his readers to illustrate it. Then he put it all together and made this video:
Great
This is another song he wrote that makes me smile. It's like a hug for your ears.
Happy Thursday, Ya'll. :)
One of Ze's blog readers was feeling stressed out and asked him to write a song to make her feel better. He quietly asked some other people to sing along to some lyrics he wrote. Then he mixed it all together to create a song performed by strangers all hoping to help someone feel better. Here's the song, and I urge you to click this link to read the touching backstory.
Ze saw a photo of a duck that had been born with four legs. He wrote a story about it and asked his readers to illustrate it. Then he put it all together and made this video:
stumpy_version1 from ze frank on Vimeo.
This is another song he wrote that makes me smile. It's like a hug for your ears.
Happy Thursday, Ya'll. :)
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
mail exchange
Cindy at Eaten Alive had an idea to match up kids from around the diabetes blogosphere to be kind of like pen pals, and exchange small gifts. L was matched up with B, whose mom Meri blogs over at Our Diabetic Life. And we got our package in the mail today, wahoo!
First L opened the card, which seemed custom-made for her and her interests. I mean, that appears to be not just any guitar, but a BASS guitar, which is only L's fave instrument. Meri, did you make that card from scratch?
Then there was a beautiful box, which now lives on L's dresser next to other cute small containers. And inside, was a lovely bracelet!
It was a perfect fit, both in size and style! I tried to steal it for myself (it totally fits me too!), but she made me take it off.
Thanks B and Meri for the thoughtful gift and note, and thanks to Cindy for organizing the exchange in the first place!
PS, Tomorrow is No D Day, as decreed by George at Ninjabetic.
So tomorrow's post will have nothing to do with diabetes. Nada. Zilch. I have been pondering what to write about for a couple of weeks, and it is no exaggeration to say that every single thing I think about is in some fashion related to diabetes. The only thing I have been able to come up with is to possibly write about something (anything!) that happened more than 1 year and 2 months ago. But I have a feeling that would be kind of like cheating. So I shall do my best to come up with something legit for tomorrow's post. Stay tuned. ;)
First L opened the card, which seemed custom-made for her and her interests. I mean, that appears to be not just any guitar, but a BASS guitar, which is only L's fave instrument. Meri, did you make that card from scratch?
Then there was a beautiful box, which now lives on L's dresser next to other cute small containers. And inside, was a lovely bracelet!
It was a perfect fit, both in size and style! I tried to steal it for myself (it totally fits me too!), but she made me take it off.
Thanks B and Meri for the thoughtful gift and note, and thanks to Cindy for organizing the exchange in the first place!
PS, Tomorrow is No D Day, as decreed by George at Ninjabetic.
So tomorrow's post will have nothing to do with diabetes. Nada. Zilch. I have been pondering what to write about for a couple of weeks, and it is no exaggeration to say that every single thing I think about is in some fashion related to diabetes. The only thing I have been able to come up with is to possibly write about something (anything!) that happened more than 1 year and 2 months ago. But I have a feeling that would be kind of like cheating. So I shall do my best to come up with something legit for tomorrow's post. Stay tuned. ;)
Friday, October 1, 2010
31 questions
So Heidi at D-Tales cooked up this questionnaire for the kids in the DOC and here are L's answers...
What is your name?
Uh.....L? [she knows we don't use her full name on the blog]
How old are you?
10.
When were you diagnosed with diabetes?
One year ago.
Do you remember what happened when you were diagnosed or how you felt?
Yes. Confused. And depressed.
Do finger pokes or shots [or site insertions/infusion set changes] hurt?
Sometimes shots and site changes do.
What is a high number?
250
What is a low number?
50
What does low blood sugar feel like?
Shaky, hungry, sometimes depressing, that's basically the main ones.
What’s your favorite way to treat a low?
Skittles.
How do you feel when your blood sugar level is high?
Sick.
What’s the best thing about having diabetes?
[long pause] Is there one? Heh.
What’s the worst thing about having diabetes?
You can't do things other people can do.
Like what?
Like if your blood sugar is too high, you can't eat a cupcake or something.
Do you worry much about diabetes?
No.
If one of your friends were diagnosed with diabetes, what would you say to that friend?
Tough Luck ahahahaha, just kidding. Um...It's not that bad.
What’s your favorite food?
It's between bread and popcorn.
What’s your favorite snack?
Hm, I'm not sure...Bagels!
What’s your favorite low-carb food?
Cheese. And meats.
Do you know what a blog is?
YES! I hope so. [she has her own blog here.]
Do you know that I blog about diabetes?
Yes! Why would I be taking this [questionnaire] if I didn't?
Do you care?
What do you mean?
Like, does it bother you?
No.
Why do you think I blog about diabetes?
To share your experiences?
What’s your biggest wish?
That there is a cure.
Who’s your best friend?
A and E.
What do you like about him/her/them?
They are great people.
What’s your favorite thing to do?
Hang out with friends.
Do you have a hero?
No.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I'm not sure...probably like a diabetes educator. Or an artist.
Who’s your favorite person in the whole wide world?
I don't know. I don't really have one. My parents? [giggling]
Are you afraid of anything?
Sometimes I get paranoid.
Fill in the blank. L is___________. There is no right or wrong answer.
I dunno! Just type a question mark!
* * *
So now I'm supposed to tag another blogger but I figure if ya'll want to do it, then go for it! I've enjoyed reading the ones I've read so far. Your kid's answers might surprise you!
What is your name?
Uh.....L? [she knows we don't use her full name on the blog]
How old are you?
10.
When were you diagnosed with diabetes?
One year ago.
Do you remember what happened when you were diagnosed or how you felt?
Yes. Confused. And depressed.
Do finger pokes or shots [or site insertions/infusion set changes] hurt?
Sometimes shots and site changes do.
What is a high number?
250
What is a low number?
50
What does low blood sugar feel like?
Shaky, hungry, sometimes depressing, that's basically the main ones.
What’s your favorite way to treat a low?
Skittles.
How do you feel when your blood sugar level is high?
Sick.
What’s the best thing about having diabetes?
[long pause] Is there one? Heh.
What’s the worst thing about having diabetes?
You can't do things other people can do.
Like what?
Like if your blood sugar is too high, you can't eat a cupcake or something.
Do you worry much about diabetes?
No.
If one of your friends were diagnosed with diabetes, what would you say to that friend?
Tough Luck ahahahaha, just kidding. Um...It's not that bad.
What’s your favorite food?
It's between bread and popcorn.
What’s your favorite snack?
Hm, I'm not sure...Bagels!
What’s your favorite low-carb food?
Cheese. And meats.
Do you know what a blog is?
YES! I hope so. [she has her own blog here.]
Do you know that I blog about diabetes?
Yes! Why would I be taking this [questionnaire] if I didn't?
Do you care?
What do you mean?
Like, does it bother you?
No.
Why do you think I blog about diabetes?
To share your experiences?
What’s your biggest wish?
That there is a cure.
Who’s your best friend?
A and E.
What do you like about him/her/them?
They are great people.
What’s your favorite thing to do?
Hang out with friends.
Do you have a hero?
No.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I'm not sure...probably like a diabetes educator. Or an artist.
Who’s your favorite person in the whole wide world?
I don't know. I don't really have one. My parents? [giggling]
Are you afraid of anything?
Sometimes I get paranoid.
Fill in the blank. L is___________. There is no right or wrong answer.
I dunno! Just type a question mark!
* * *
So now I'm supposed to tag another blogger but I figure if ya'll want to do it, then go for it! I've enjoyed reading the ones I've read so far. Your kid's answers might surprise you!
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